


together we shall go until we die

by TheAllKnowingOwl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Gen, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Prostitute Dean, Prostitution, survival prostitution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 16:14:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12751758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAllKnowingOwl/pseuds/TheAllKnowingOwl
Summary: Pulls himself together like badly mended coat.Protect Sammy.Yes sir.





	together we shall go until we die

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Led Zeppelin 'Thank You'.

He doesn't like what he has to do.

He can't avoid it.

A necessary evil for the greater good.

Sammy is a growing boy (surely he didn't grow that much when he was younger?), growing boys need food, and Dad doesn't always leave enough money when he leaves them in lonely motels, chasing the next hunt, chasing something that Dean doubts he will ever find.

Chasing after shadows with a loaded shotgun of neglect.

Dean should be a freaking poet.

But it doesn't matter. Dean doesn't matter: Sam does.

That is what he tells himself as he drops to his knees. They need the money, and it isn't like he's old enough to go around toting a credit card.

Sammy needs a new coat, he thinks as he lies down.

Sammy needs school books, he reminds himself as he bends over, wincing into a hard tabletop.

Look after Sammy, he whispers as he-

As he-

As he-

After a while, their faces blend into one. It is helpful, he reflects, hissing with pain as he sits down. They are usually never in the same place twice, so the chance of anyone following him or Sam finding out is low.

He is not sure where Sammy thinks he is getting the money from, his brother may be Einstein reincarnated, but his head too is buried in the stars.

Their faces may blend into one, but in one town they stop in, there is one customer who stands out.

In the dim light of the bar, those dammed blue eyes fall on him and don't leave.

He comes to Dean almost every  night for the duration of their stay in town, and he is one of his few customers who actually _talks_ to Dean as if he _means_ _something_ _._

This man's name is Jimmy.

This man is a Christian, a good man, certainly older than Dean's 17, married (or soon to be) and having his patented big gay freakout.

He may not matter, he may be temporary, a passing regret in the mind of a holy man for the rest of his life, but for once Dean doesn't care.

Jimmy is not like the girls at the schools he never bothers to go to (not like he'd need advanced math when hunting a wendigo anyway), who tell him that they know and understand him.

Jimmy is the first person who Dean feels has ever truly _seen_ him. Sam may occasionally manage to push part the tough-guy bullsit, but never without trying.

Jimmy is the first person who makes him feels as though he is something other than security detail.

He used to be like that, Jimmy tells him, late in the night with only the sound of passing cars as a lullaby. In his rebellious stage.

He would go around and project bad-boy vibes at everyone, masking his insecurities and hurt from the world.

Dean is hurt too by that statement, before he realises Jimmy isn't undermining him.

What changed? he asks.

And Jimmy's eyes are wistful. He found God, he replies. And he kept on finding bigger and better things until now.

Then what happened? Dean questions. He doesn't care, of course he doesn't. He is empty, hollow, distanced.

Jimmy is silent. Then, he replies slowly,as if testing the air, I saw someone who knocked my head right out of the clouds.

Then Dean is silent. And in the end, it doesn't matter what he didn't say, because Dad came back in the morning and they were on to the next hunt.

And it doesn't matter that Jimmy was his last client, because Dean finally looks old enough to hustle pool in the bars scattered around town.

And it doesn't matter, because the next time he sees those blue eyes, it isn't Jimmy anymore.

But that doesn't mean he won't- he _can't_ stop searching them for a glimpse of a man that is no more.

It hurts, it hurts _so much_ to see those eyes in the same face, and be forced to remember that they don't belong to the one he wants to see.

And he's glad; bitterly and stupidly glad when he looks into them and finds Jimmy looking back again.

Glad and barely hoping as they touch for the first time in 13 years.

Kiss, even.

Until he wakes up to a cold and empty bed, because Jimmy was never his, and Jimmy has a wife, and Jimmy has a daughter, and Jimmy wasn't going to stay with some halfwit street-whore.

It doesn't hurt any less, though.

It doesn't hurt any less when he sees the man- _no_ \- the _body_ of the man he loves explode into a million pieces.

Later, he ruminates about Jimmy to his therapist: a stiff man by the name of Jack Daniels. Would he be in Jimmy's heaven?

No.

Why would he want to see any off his past mistakes again?

Why would he want to see _Dean_?

But he can't stop running, because the world isn't going to stop ending for one pathetic man with a crush on someone who isn't there anymore.

Pulls himself together like badly mended coat.

Protect Sammy.

_Yes sir._


End file.
